Barack Obama might be forever stuck in the body of a teenage boy at the far end of his “awkward” phase, but how about that Alaskan scenery! Boy, do big, huge photo ops in front of big, huge ice cubes makes for good television! It was enough to make you forget that Obama charged his little field trip to our American Express. Throw in some face time with a British television actor and an only slightly weird encounter with an excited salmon, and Obama’s Great Alaskan Photo Op was almost as slickly produced as some of your better infomercials. I half expected him to start hawking Bear Grylls survival gear: “Act now, and we’ll throw in the whetstone for free!” But no matter how well produced it might be, television is no different from the global warming Obama ostensibly traveled to Alaska to sell; it features cool graphics and Hollywood stars, but it isn’t reality.
The global warmist in chief took a break from snuggling with his Iranian islamofascist BFFs to do some kind of jug-eared, beta-male mimicry of Russian President Vladimir Putin; and the media lapdogs followed him up there like a pack of snow lemmings. Of course, Obama wanted to press home his message that global warming was going to destroy the planet and that anyone who isn’t hip to the danger our SUVs and hairspray and stuff pose to our planet is probably, like, super bad, you guys!
Entire nations will find themselves under severe, severe problems: more drought, more floods, rising sea levels, greater migration, more refugees, more scarcity, more conflict.
With the Exit Glacier dutifully retreating behind him, Obama went full warmist. Doom is hiding around the corner, just waiting for the right moment to punish humanity for mining too much coal — or something to that effect. No one seemed to remember that warmist leaders have been issuing the same dire prognostications since back when “global warming” was still “global cooling.” And few seemed aware that the Exit Glacier has been retreating since 1815, meaning evil man-made pollutants must have made a special trip to Alaska while James Watt was still polishing the chrome on his steam engine.
Never one to pass up an opportunity to remind Americans how much he despises us, Obama added, “Any leader willing to take a gamble on a future like that — any so-called leader who does not take this issue seriously or treats it like a joke — is not fit to lead.” His bubblegum-wrapper scientific “theory” has yet to render an accurate prediction. The leading warmist minds, exceedingly few of whom are actual climatologists or meteorologists, have been caught fabricating data on multiple occasions. The most prominent faces of the movement belong to such worthies as Bill Nye. Don’t let his uncanny resemblance to “Beaker” from “The Muppet Show” fool you. Nye is a mechanical engineer who hosts a children’s TV show. He isn’t an actual “expert” on climate any more than Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. Hell, not only can the warmists not accurately predict a thunderstorm, they can’t even settle on a name. And Obama can use that pile of manure as a podium from which to insult us.
For his own part, Obama has presided over an administration that will forever be defined by scandals and disgraces far grander than spending millions to fly a 747 to Alaska to learn that ice has a pronounced tendency to melt in summer. At least he announced a plan to increase our fleet of arctic icebreakers, presumably to ensure more effective rescues of global warmists who get trapped in — giggle — unexpectedly — snort — heavy arctic ice.
The world is an increasingly dangerous place, although Obama’s own ineptitude has more to do with it than whatever name global warming is going by these days. And the ugliness isn’t limited to the usual overseas hot spots. The so-called “Black Lives Matter” movement has transmogrified into an amateur cop-killer competition. Yet Obama was in Alaska, playing Davy Crockett with a reality TV star while pretending so-called “global warming” is an actual thing.
But look on the bright side: Obama was in Alaska, playing Davy Crockett with a reality TV star while pretending so-called “global warming” is an actual thing. He was right where he needed to be.
–Ben Crystal
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