Pity our poor friends on the port side of American politics. Those kids just can’t seem to avoid snatching defeat from the toothless maw of victory. Last Friday morning, Americans woke up to news that the man with the tan was headed home to tee off on the next phase of his life. Speaker John Boehner, facing increasing stiffness from the burgeoning conservative wing of the GOP, announced his retirement, effective as fast as he can dry his eyes and clear out his desk.
The Democrats should have partied like it was 2008. The highest-ranking Republican in the federal government, theoretically the biggest bulwark to President Barack Obama’s war on liberty, was abruptly bailing out with just about a year to go until the presidential election. Boehner’s sudden resignation plans must have signaled an opposition party in disarray at a pivotal moment. If the other guys’ skipper was stepping down, then 2016 should be nothing but smooth sailing.
At least, that’s how the Democrats wish the situation was unfolding. Unfortunately for the increasingly sorry leftist lot, the summer of their discontent has given way to a miserable fall. Far from firing a warning flare over the Republicans’ house, Boehner’s departure hoists a political Jolly Roger. Despite the endless mockery the Democrats have shown the outgoing speaker, they realized on Friday that he was their last friend in Washington. As they discovered too quickly to even bother with the party hats, the Republicans aren’t distraught over Boehner’s impending adios, nor are they experiencing any political chaos.
Bad luck for the liberals, Boehner is the latest casualty in the Republican Party’s return to dominance. Boehner’s refusal to do more than fill out an occasional foursome for Obama’s machinations cost him the backing of the boys and girls below him on the ladder. As the Democrats have wandered farther away from the mainstream (not to mention sanity), the Republicans have set course for Main Street. There wasn’t room on the bus for Boehner, and he chose to get off rather than get pushed. In the event any conservatives harbored lingering doubts about Boehner’s departure, he proved his own irrelevance in a Sunday morning appearance on CNN in which he whined about the rise of “false prophets” within the GOP. Dry your tears, Mr. Speaker. Nobody likes a bitter Boehner.
Moreover, the ascension of young, vibrant conservatives, coinciding with a spike in America’s distaste for the Democrats, suggests Boehner’s bouncing truly is bad news for the party of the president — especially considering the fact that the Democrats have pinned their hopes for a resurgence on either a doddering grandmother who’s probably facing espionage charges or a hoary communist who has spent most of his adult life as one of the most ineffective and ineffectual politicians in Washington history. The rise of conservatives in the House is a clear reflection of the rise of conservatism among the general population. Americans have clearly lost their patience with the Democrats’ “America last” rhetoric of the past 6.5 years.
At least Boehner had the dignity to leave before he was thrown out, a lesson that has clearly escaped some of the people who steered the Democrats into their current political wormhole. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and former President Bill Clinton’s mom wife should take note.
It’s enough to make me feel bad for our port side pals. As if their situation isn’t dire enough already with their brand as fragile as a beta male’s self-image, the fact that the GOP is streamlining their operation at precisely the same moment the Democrats are imploding presages a 2016 that will likely make 2014 seem like a stroll in the park. Of course, the GOP might screw it up. As Boehner’s own ascension proves, the Republicans are certainly capable of letting the Democrats back into the game. But in that scenario, the party of Pelosi is reduced to passive recipients of pure luck, hardly a position of strength from which to launch a presidential campaign. Sorry, Dems, but you lose — again. Judging by the fallout from Boehner’s ouster, you should probably get used to it.
–Ben Crystal
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