Todd M. Siebert: The WIRE: Your week in review

From the Bronx to the Baltic Sea — and most points in between — it’s time for a look back at the week that was. Personal Liberty Digest^® presents: The WIRE!

“Mayor Deblasio, I’m hemorrhaging black votes to Senator Sanders!”
“No worries, Hillary! We’ll do a skit that’s only slightly less racist that an Al Jolson routine!”
“Ooh, Good plan!”

Good thing they nixed the blackface, or it might have been weird.

Although it’s already murdering jobs in Seattle, the so-called “Fight for 15” movement resumed its demands for a huge increase in the Federal standard minimum wage. Evidently, none of the snowflakes recognize the obvious solution to overpaying for burger-flippers and fry cooks.

Would you like a phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range with that, human?

New documents obtained under duress by Judicial Watch reveal Hillary Clinton knew the “YouTube” excuse for the Benghazi massacre was a lie the first time she told it, not to mention each subsequent time, including while talking to the victims’ families.

“Yo, Hilldawg. Can you stand a little farther away? I heard it stings when God smites you.”

Hillary painted herself into a bit of a corner when she claimed “Every Republican has attacked women’s health and rights.” Um, last we checked, defending babies isn’t “attacking” anyone, and this guy right here REALLY isn’t a Republican.

Help me out: Does “rape” fall under “health” or “rights”?

According to CareerCast’s annual report, newspaper reporter is the worst job in America.

That’s only because “newspaper reader” isn’t a paid position.

Morbidly obese war profiteer Michael Moore lent his considerable bulk to the debate over North Carolina’s HB2, demanding distributors not show his “documentaries” in the Tar Heel State. North Carolinians were predictably devastated.

These are our “sad” faces!

President Obama made his preference clear this week, claiming that Hillary Clinton “(W)as an outstanding Secretary of State. She would never intentionally put America in any kind of jeopardy.” But Obama also claimed “I guarantee that there is no political influence in any investigation.”

Pronouncing Nana innocent while the probe is still ongoing is pretty much the definition of “influence,” President Brainiac.

Following Bruce Springsteen’s much-hyped boycott of North Carolina due to their law keeping grown men out of little girls’ bathrooms, Canadian musician Bryan Adams and Beatle Ringo “Yeah, he’s still alive” Starr announced similar boycotts of Mississippi and North Carolina.

It actually works out for their fan; since he wasn’t going to be able to make both shows anyway.

The left’s inherent racism, their war on the Bill of Rights and beta male-ification of college campuses intersected this week when two young black men at the University of Georgia were arrested on felony charges for plinking solo cups with a bb gun.

Even worse, Ralphie just lost his full ride.

Bernie Sanders was getting great coverage with his claim that Verizon doesn’t pay its fair share of taxes, until Verizon CEO Lowell McAdam pointed out that his company pays a 35 percenttax rate. Nonetheless, Bernie’s supporters spread the lie faster than herpes at Bonnaroo.

My coverage is excellent; I say it here, and it comes out there!

Multimedia washout Keith Olbermann resurfaced this week, announcing he was moving out of his Trump Tower apartment. Of course, Olbermann is acting out of outrage, not because he’s become completely unemployable.

Trump would have returned the favor, but Olbermann’s name isn’t on anything except moving company boxes.

Bernie Sanders earned a big endorsement this week when he got the nod from the so-called “Occupy” movement. Sniveling, privileged twerps who skip class to grab Starbucks and poop on police cruisers? Congratulations, I guess? At least Bernie won’t have to spend any money on porta-potties.

“And we’ll put the ‘rape pavilions’ over there; next to the iPad charging station!”

Former Republican Presidential candidate and New York Governor George Pataki did a pal a solid this week, bestowing his oh-so-sought after endorsement upon a little-known candidate named John Kasich.

So THAT’S who that guy is! I thought he was a really nicely dressed sound tech.

As Bernie’s attacks on Hillary’s ties to Wall Street gain traction, the gargantuan banksters at Goldman Sachs agreed this week to pay $5.1 billion to settle a Federal probe into their mortgage-back securities practices.

To cover the shortfall, they’ll be cutting Hillary’s speaking rate to $250,000/hour.

Hillary renewed her attacks on the Bill of Rights this week, decrying the lack of gun manufacturer liability for so-called “gun violence.” Evidently, the old girl doesn’t realize that her position would require blaming Home Depot if some psycho murders someone with a stolen hammer.

What we need is #ToolSense!

Anti-Bill of Rights hate groups had reason to cheer Thursday, when a Connecticut judge ruled that a lawsuit filed against the maker of the weapon stolen and used by disturbed Sandy Hook murderer Adam Lanza could go forward.

We’re pimping dead kids to score a cheap pop against the wrong people! Yay!

Hillary loves to tie herself to Obama, except when it involves being tied to Obama. During Thursday night’s debate, Nana called Obama’s Syria policy a “disaster,” presumably counting on the Democrat-dominated audience to forget who was Secretary of State when Obama formed his Syria policy.

“Hillary and I are like peas and carro — hey! Where’s she going?”

Obama’s foreign policy took another hit this week when Russian fighter jets buzzed the U.S.S. Donald Cook in the Baltic Sea; another world stage humiliation delivered at close to mach speed by Obama’s nemesis, Russian President Vladimir Putin.

So Barry, you are still — how you say — ‘my beetch,’ da?