Here at the Personal Liberty Digest®, we’re polling higher than Lindsay Graham! But who better to bring you this week’s The Great Eight than a guy who’s polling lower than Jim Webb: Ben Crystal!!
So, I’ve pulled even with Jeb Bush? I’m still in it, baby! All right, kids! Here’s your “Ocho!”
House Speaker Paul Ryan’s first big moment post-John Boehner? He gave away the house. Two trillion dollars? I almost didn’t recognize Nancy Pelosi with the beard.
Doctors say it’s the worst allergic reaction to Botox they’ve ever seen.
The GOP put nine candidates on a stage, and not one of them is under FBI investigation for leaking above top secret information.
That should give the Democrats something to shoot for.
The Democrats debate again this weekend, when no one’s watching. It’s like the Democrat Party is trying to hide their candidates; although given what they’re working with, I guess I can’t blame them.
Larry, Moe and Bernie
Introducing Nana at a foreign policy speech this week? Grampa Munster! Walter Mondale and Hillary Clinton, two losers speaking on a topic about which neither of them knows diddly squat.
I may have lost 49 States, but I never lost an email!
Nana also got an endorsement from Warren Buffett. Oh, good; another old white person. I can’t tell if she’s running for president, or putting together a kick-ass shuffleboard team for this week’s tournament at “the home.”
Combined ages of the two people on stage > combined ages of everyone in the audience
As it turns out, the San Bernardino terrorists might have been caught, were it not for Obama’s policy of actively avoiding Muslim immigrants’ social media. The guy who wiretapped grandma and sent IRS goons after Tea Partiers is worried about islamofascists’ privacy. That’s where Barry draws the line!
Definitely “unfriend” these two.
One suspected al-Qaida financier in Ohio was released to the custody of his mother. “That’s it, Akbar! You are grounded! And no jihad this weekend, either!”
“Aw, Mom! You never let me slay any infidels!”
Obese war profiteer Michael Moore’s version of protesting against Donald Trump. What you mean “we,” white man? I’m not Muslim, but even I know that’s offensive. Wait until ISIS sees this cake-eating slob pretending to be one of them.
I thought Muslims hated pigs.
And that’s your Great Eight for the week, kiddies! For the Personal Liberty Digest®, I’m Ben Crystal saying: “After Jar Jar Binks, the force had better be strong with this one.”
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