According to the now-former president of the Spokane Chapter of the NAACP, Rachel Dolezal, she identifies “as black.” Depending on whom you listen to, that’s either a brave stance against so-called “white privilege” or a steaming pile of Hillary Clinton campaign relaunches. Since the former assertion is made primarily by people who actually think “white privilege” is an actual thing, I’m going to go ahead and file that with Clinton’s sworn testimony on pretty much anything. As for the latter, I’m a great deal less certain than others about her possible racial mendacity.
To be honest, I’m guessing Dolezal — who is every bit as white as line dancing, rodeo and Abba — probably looks in the mirror and sees a skinny Oprah Winfrey looking back. Whatever her reason or reasons might be, there are a couple of things upon which nearly everyone ought to be able to agree: Dolezal is a profoundly weird chick. Furthermore, in her wildest dreams and/or nightmares, Dolezal never expected to end up trying to explain to an incredibly curious America why she spent decades “passing” for black.
Dolezal could very well have constructed a “nom de noir” solely to avail herself of myriad societal benefits that are available only to those of the non-white persuasion. Maybe she desperately wanted that coveted sheepskin from Howard University, but didn’t want to endure the ugliness that would accompany being one of the few pale faces amid the deliberately darker-hued student body.
It’s also possible that Dolezal actually believes — or has convinced herself — that she’s black. In this boy’s America, people can pretty much “identify” as whatever they wish. Olympic gold medalist and Wheaties Box icon Bruce Jenner identifies as a woman named “Caitlyn.” Multimillionaire professor and current U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren identifies as “Native American.” You might identify as a small Filipino girl named “Consuela.” I identify as a 21st century Cary Grant, devastatingly handsome and impeccably tailored.
Dolezal might have been drawn to the pseudo-importance of racist groups like the NAACP. Racist groups that claim to represent non-white Americans enjoy a carte blanche (oops — carte noir) to say and do almost anything they wish without fear of consequence. Dolezal’s rather poorly thought-out plan to “pass” failed on a rather epic scale. I have no trouble imagining the logic that led her to perform her weird, racist Kabuki also led her to believe that “passing” would open the door to a world of privilege to which a middle-class white girl like Dolezal could barely imagine.
We should also consider the possibility that Dolezal identifies as a white girl from Montana who got seriously caught up in the media portrayal of so-called “black” culture. For all we really know, she could be nothing more than an angry female Vanilla Ice with a worse haircut. Unfortunately for Dolezal, you can take the white girl out of Montana; but you can’t take the white out of the girl from Montana. Appropriating a culture other than your own for entertainment purposes is fine; go ahead and play that funky music, white girl. But actually attempting to live as something you’re not will never work, unless you’re a mixed-race man from Chicago who runs for president with a murkier backstory than Dolezal’s.
It occurs to me, however, that all the debate over who, what and why Dolezal is or isn’t misses the most important question of all: Who cares? Dolezal is a white woman who pretended to be black. She played the role well enough to become the president of the Spokane Chapter of the NAACP, roughly the equivalent of being the president of the Haight-Ashbury Young Republicans. At best, her story will end up as a made-for-TV movie on Lifetime.
“She’s black. She’s white. And her career is dead all over! Valerie Bertinelli is Rachel Dolezal in: ‘Soul Sister!’”
The Land of the Free has been torn asunder by a generation of politicians and their adoring sycophants who have turned “white” into a slur. The president of the United States has turned “black” into a get-out-of-prison-free card. If Dolezal turns up next week claiming she identifies as an omnisexual Laotian Hmong princess, she’s welcome to it, for all I care. It’ll make for another thrilling cable TV movie of the week. But then she’ll fade into deserved obscurity. I hope she takes the ridiculous portmanteau word “transracial” with her.
–Ben Crystal
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